My newest baby love

Our family expanded to 4 on 6/6/16. Welcome Atticus Davis Jolley. He was named after two incredibly strong father figures: The father in the classic novel "To Kill a Mockingbird" Atticus Finch, And my maternal grandfather Davis Stanger.

He has been such a sweet baby. We are currently in the typical hazy newborn days of eat, sleep, eat, repeat. I just pray he stays the sweet little man that he is.

I have been so proud of Emery and how she has adjusted. She is such a loving, sweet, and helpful (maybe too helpful) big sister. She has been a tiny bit more defiant lately but even then she is still very well behaved considering that she is three.

This past Friday my sister in law Katelyn came over to have fun and take pictures of our little guy and a few with Emery in them as well. I am so obsessed with how they turned out so I thought I would share them here.

Insecurities are normal, but shouldn't define you

i sincerely hated how i looked here.

oh the glasses

As young girl I had the normal insecurities. Bit of course like most I was most embarrassed of my weight. I think biggest reason that I new to even be self conscious about it was because my parents were hard on themselves. As I expressed my  insecurities to my mother she got involved by letting me use things like spanks and other body shapers when I would wear certain clothes, encouraged me to eat better, and to try to work out. All of these things I am positive were fully out of love but they just made me feel worse about myself. 

 I did become more health conscious as I got in to high school and was in cheer leading. I was always one of the "larger" girls on the team but was able to use my flexibility and strength in my favor. However always being one of the biggest never made me feel good about myself especially when the girls much smaller than me would complain about their weight. 

my cheer days

The time I loved my body most

Thankfully I have been able to learn to love myself and my body for what it is. My hips are large and after having a babe I now have a little tummy. But I love myself more now than when I was at my thinnest. In fact when I was my largest, aka pregnant, I think I felt the very best about myself. Yeah I know that I could lose some weight to be healthier, but I also have come to realize that no matter how thin I am I have curves.

She's my reason for everything that I do

One of my new years resolutions was to become more active. My biggest reason for this really isn't so that I can lose weight, however it would be a nice benefit, is mostly because I want my little girl to live an active life style as well. To know that it is good to be out not on the couch and to live yourself. I am not perfect in thinking that I am constantly a hot momma. I have my days when I feel down on myself. I just hope that I can not say my insecurities so much to my children to make them turn in to their own... If that makes any sense

For the kids

Today I have Been reflecting on a rather dark period in my life. Not that I did anything bad or wrong but it was just very depressing. When I was 16 on the first day or school for my junior year, I found out that my parents were divorcing.... Great first day of school huh? I don't need to go in to the details but I became very depressed and honestly didn't know why. I had great friends, parents who loved me, was on an amazing cheer team (yeah I was a cheerleader,) but I was just so deeply sad. After some counseling I realized that even with all of the good in my life I still had some big reasons to be feeling off.
Thankfully I was able to get myself sorted, and also thankfully I stayed a good girl who didn't make any stupid mistakes. I am who I am today because of all that I went through and am much stronger for it.
The reason I have reflected on these hard memories is because a family member has decided to get a divorce. I'm sure both sides are at fault. And honestly no matter what either one has done to each other it won't stop my love for the both of them. Yes it might taint my opinion but I love both of them without end. They have a couple children and right now all I can is think about them. It physically pains me to think about what those sweet children are going through because I know almost exactly what they are going through. I just want the best for them and I love them so much.

Sick, miserable, and tired, but still pretty awesome

This week has been hard. It started off pretty normal. normal baby, normal job, normal health. And then Wednesday came and my baby was sick. Fever, throwing up *that might have been self induced though from crying so hard,* teething, a cold...the whole bit. But as is the life of a parent you take care of them, stay up at night for them, and go on with your routine. In the back of my head, or should I say throat, I could feel the twinge of something coming for me. I ignored it though in true parent fashion hoping it would just go away if I ignored it. It didn't go away. I woke up that next morning more exhausted than I had been since the last time I got sick. so I spent the next day trying to get myself some rest, while taking care of a still very sick baby. in other words I didn't get any rest. by Friday I was still spent. I sent a text to my supervisor at work and let her know I wouldn't be in. after waking up two hours after I usually wake up I was feeling a bit more rested took a Dayquil and decided that maybe I could just go to work late that way I wouldn't have to spend my entire Saturday at work trying to do catch up. right now i am so thankful that i did go.

it was one of the hardest days I have had at work in a long time. and that says something. not in the fact that anyone was particularly mean or rude that I talked to (which is a miracle by itself because my job is known for having to talk to really rude people at times) but it was so long and I felt like I was going to die from still being sick.  but  it put things in perspective for me. as I was working I chatted with one of my coworkers and complained that it was the first time that I had been at work past 2 pm in over a year (besides a short training period but i don't count that for some reason.)  then i thought about it and it just seemed crazy to say because before becoming a mom I would stay at work making up my time for sometimes 11+ hours in one day, and for some reason this 8 hour day felt harder to me. that was when I realized how good I have it. Yeah, I have always known how blessed I am with my job situation but it really hit me then. since emery was born I have been given the opportunity to work for only 6.5 hours per day which allows me to work less and still get the benefits of a completely full time worker, AND i get off work at 12:30 almost daily. I was given the chance to see what it is like to be a " normal" working mom and not to be able to see my daughter until after 5 pm which killed me. it is well known that emery is sort of an obsession of mine, not in a creepy way just in a normal I'm her mother way. I feel that i have just been taking for granted the fact that i get to spend an ample amount of time with my daughter that most women really don't get to do and I hope that I don't forget it.

thankfully i was able to be home in time to enjoy one of my proudest mommy moments so far. emery said her first sentence. so here's the back story. she was in her high chair eating some gold fish and sipping some water as my father in law went in to the pantry and got himself a gummy snack. as he passed by she blurted out as clear as day "BAPA!," which she has never really even tried to address him with a verbal word, and it was pretty darn close to grandpa. she then pointed to the gummies in his hand signed for eat, signed for please, and then nodded. so if you put that all together in a sentence she said "Grandpa! I want your gummy to eat please....yes" OK, well she didn't really use more than one word, 2 esl signs, and one obvious gesture but i swear to you anyone watching her would have understood what she wanted. we started teaching her some basic signs when she was about 6 months. mostly because i think it is adorable when kids sign/say please, and because the baby Einstein signing video that we got as a gift is the only thing she will sit still and watch for more than negative two seconds. (PS thank you LeComte girls for the awesome gift!!!!!) we haven't been too consistent at it but apparently she has been understanding it because for the last few months she has been very good at saying please, food, milk, all done, and more....like i said its not a lot, but its more than I thought she would have picked up on since we haven't been too avid at trying to teach her. kids really do pay more attention to what is going on around them than we give them credit to. she has also been saying more words. so far she says dada, mamma (when she's sad mostly,) thank you, please, nana aka banana and probably some more but I'm having a brain fart right now. giddy doesn't even come close to explain how I had felt in that moment when she used gestures, ESL, and a fairly real word all at the same time. at the same time a part of me wants to discredit what she did because in all reality it could have just been an accident and she doesn't realize what an awesome thing it is that she did, but I'm not going to. for now i am just going to toot my child's little tiny horn because i think she is awesome.
That being said I wore myself out so hard from working yesterday, and i didn't even mention my almost complete lack of sleep that I didn't go in to work today as i had promised myself i would do. but it was good for me to actually be able to take the time to relax and start to feel better.

Portlandia

When I found out that I was going to have almost the entire week off for Christmas we decided that we should do something irresponsible but so fun. Stephens first choice was to go to Sanfran Ca  which I was totally down for until he revealed his hidden agenda to go to the BYU football game. Then we thought about going to visit my mother and make it a surprise. We enlisted the help of my stepfather to make sure she was at the right place at the right time. Thankfully they were headed to Portland to visit my aunt and uncle. It is so much cheaper to fly to Portland than to go to Medford. I looooove Portland. Always have always will. It was Stephens and Emery's first time here and Emery's first airplane ride.
It took everything for me to keep this secret. You see my mother and I are stupidly close. I don't call her every day but that's because I know that if I did I would get too depressed from missing her so much. We got to Portland around six checked in to our hotel then headed to my aunt Julie house. To say that we surprised them was an  understatement. I wish that we had caught it on video.
Next on the list of things to do:
See my high school bff's Lacey Price and Lulu. Voodoo doughnuts, Cafe yumm,
Maybe multinoma falls, Shop shop shop, The fabulous Alexandra Lovin Curran's reception, See a movie and spend so much time with family that it's disgusting
I just love this place though. It's a huge city but to me it feels so homey since it's like your still in a forest. Between the trees, shopping, family, friends, and hippies there's not much that I can't love here. Oh and the weather! Coming from 12 degrees as the high for a lot of days in the winter in utah I have been so stinking warm in this 40 plus weather. It has been very foggy, but did you know that I looooove fog? It's so mystical and pretty. Can you tell that I'm so content in  this city.  If only we could find Stephen a job here I think it could be the perfect place for us. Hint hint to anyone out there looking for a super awesome marketing newcomer named Stephen Jolley!!!

It's November...I'm thankful

Last week my husband's youngest sister Kirstie, who was prego, was put on bed rest for having signs of toxemia. It was a bit nerve racking since it seemed that the doctors office was taking it a little to easy going in my opinion. This Monday, her birthday, she went in to see how she was doing and was told that she needed to be induced as soon as possible. After hours of waiting for hours to hear if she was going to be induced that day she got a call telling her that they would wait an extra two days so that the babe would be technically considered full term. (By the way it is not OK to leave a pregnant nervous woman hanging when you tell get that she is probably going to be induced that day.) Any who on Wednesday little Scottie Noel Andersen was born and she is so perfect. She was born 6lbs 12oz, healthy lungs and just everything that we prayed for. For being three weeks early she is bigger than Emery was born a week Past her due date. I know I'm gushing about her so much but I swear I'm not baby hungry, I just love babies so much and Especially when they are related to me.

Tonight I had the opportunity to go to my beautiful cousin Alexandra's bridal shower. Can I just tell you how much I love her?! Well it's a lot. Growing up we weren't so close and I'll be honest I was a big reason for that. For some reason I thought I was better than her. I don't know what I was thinking cause she's awesome. I love getting together with family and even extended family. They understand my sense of humor and know why i am the way i am. Anyway, it was a great time, and I'm so excited for her to start this new journey in life.

This year has been full of trials but the blessings have out weighed them. I always knew that I was blessed to be married into an amazing family but this year has proved it. When I had to go back to work after maternity leave my mother in law Karen stepped in to baby sit every day while I was at work and Stephen was in school and working. When she wasn't able to baby sit Stephens sister Kate didn't miss a beat and would fill in. (Can I just say that when I met Kate when Stephen and I started dating it scared me that Stephen and I would break up because I get along so well with her.)
This summer we decided to bight the bullet and get Stephen done with school as soon add possible. This meant that he has had to dedicate this fall semester to school alone because he has been taking 18 credit hours so that he can be finished by the end of spring semester. Can I get a Hallelujah?! However this meant that I would be the soul provider for income which was/is quite daunting to think about. However after we prayed about it and felt at peace with the decision things started to fall in to place. My job had allowed me to set my schedule so that I still am technically a full time employee so I get all of the benefits but I am able to get off work at 12:30 pm so I can still feel like a full time mother to my little girl. Plus I got a raise which I can't complain about. Obviously we have had to cut our spending which sadly had to include our beloved basement apartment. We had enough saved up to be able to stay till our lease was up. Stephens parents once again stepped in and saved the day by offering us to live in their two bedrooms downstairs at their home. We had to downsize a lot and put so much stuff in storage (I can't believe how much stuff you can accumulate,) but it feels right for now.
I've already talked about how much more homesick I have become since I have become a mom in a previous post, but I believe that it has brought me even closer to my parents ironically. This year my mom has come out to see us more times than she ever has since we have been married. not that Emery was the reason she has come out so much but it had been so amazing to have my mom around more even if it is just for a few days every few months.
I have had better relationships with both of my parents and am so blessed to be their daughter. I have always had an easy  relationship with my mom. She just gets me. like I've said before we never went through the dreaded "I hate you" teenage stage. She always seems to know the right thing to say, and how to make me see reason. She's the best shopping partner a girl could ask for. She's always been mom first but best friend close behind.

My relationship with my father was not always so easy. For one I have always Been a fairly girly girl. Don't get me wrong I could take care of myself when it came to fighting with all brothers, but none the less I was born with pink glitter running through my veins. I think my dad just wanted me to enjoy the things that he did such as camping, cooking, and fishing to name a few but I Just don't have a huge interest in any of those things. Finally at 16 I was fed up with getting camping gear every year for my birthday and gave my dad a  specific list of things that would be suitable to get me for gifts and a tent, cot, wool socks or sleeping bag was not on the list. In the last few years I've had issues that I have worked through with our relationship. I have realized that my dad is who he is and I can't change it and I wouldn't want to because I love him for who he is.
All of the changes and trials, however difficult, have made me realize how important family is and has grown me closer to them in many ways. But I can't wait for Stephen to be done with school.

Emery Collen Jolley 10/21/12

A year ago today at about this time, 8:30 pm, I was sitting in a hospital bed after laboring for about ten hours and I was still only at maaaaybe 3 centimeters. Everyone was saying that I would probably my baby the next day. But they were also a little worried about our little girls heart rate dropping a bit whenever I had a contraction. My sister (in law) Katelyn was the only one saying, guys we just have to know that she is going to come before midnight and it will happen. Pretty soon I started to feel a little pressure, which soon turned into feeling the contractions... which if you have an epidural shouldn't happen. Apparently I had used up all of the juice through out the long day and my epidural wore off. Pretty much as soon as the epidural wore off I started REALLY feeling pressure. So they checked me and i was at 5 centimeters within an hour. About 30 minutes after that, and Sorry for anyone who gets weird about bowel movements, I seriously felt like I was going to poop right there and then with my mother, mother in law, father in law,  brother, sister in laws, and brother in law all right there in the room.  When I told the nurse how I was feeling they ushered everyone (besides Stephen) out of the room to check me and I had progressed to ten REALLY fast. Everyone came in wished us luck and then add they were sent out to wait in the waiting room I was told that I would be pushing for about 2 hours. However at 10:41 pm after only 3 contractions I had delivered my 6lb 6ploz tiny Emery Colleen. She had her cord wrapped around her neck twice, which is why her heart rate kept dropping, so Stephen didn't get to cut it. It might have been the hormones, endorphins, or a combination of the two but I couldn't help but cry. Even covered in goo I loved her.

I always knew I wanted to be a mom. When people would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up I would always say that I wanted to be one. And I really love babies, especially ones that I am related to. I just figured I would love her like that. But it is so much more. It's more than I could try to explain.

Not only did I fall in love with my girl but I fell more in love with my husband as I watched him mold into a dad. I knew he would be a good dad because of the love that he has for his nephews. That being said I didn't know just how hands on he would be. Even though he almost pukes with every poopy diaper, he still changes them. Since I wake up at the butt crack of dawn he has started to take over the midnight  wake ups, which thankfully only happen once and a while now. He constantly wants to hold, play, and be with her. I am so thankful that I married him, and that I married into his family.

They have been there for us almost every day for the past year in one way or another. Considering that they live only around the corner makes that pretty easy to do though. When I went back to work after my maternity leave mother in law started watching Emery every day without hesitation. When my mother in law wasn't available my sister in law always has been there to fill in.

And last but not least my own mother who I strive to be and love like every day. She has always been there for me, and if she couldn't be then I know that she really really wishes that she could be. When she can she drops what she is doing to talk to me, give me advice and to just listen to me when I'm scared or upset. She has always my best friend. And I truly hope that I can have that same relationship with Emery. I miss her so much all of the time. I wish that I could see her more than just a few times a year. It breaks my heart that she can't share the sweet moments with me and my little family whenever I want to. I know that I can be a little annoying with how many videos and pictures I post on Facebook and
Instagram but I just don't want my family in Oregon to miss anything.

Happy birthday to you miss Emmie-Lou. I didn't know that I could love someone so much before you came along.

Added a few if my favorite photos from this past year